{"id":395,"date":"2026-01-07T15:28:26","date_gmt":"2026-01-07T15:28:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stagingloom.com\/elc\/parent-resources\/child-development\/tantrums-and-big-feelings\/"},"modified":"2026-01-07T15:28:26","modified_gmt":"2026-01-07T15:28:26","slug":"tantrums-and-big-feelings","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/stagingloom.com\/elc\/parent-resources\/child-development\/tantrums-and-big-feelings\/","title":{"rendered":"Tantrums and Big Feelings"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-page\" data-elementor-id=\"395\" class=\"elementor elementor-395\" data-elementor-post-type=\"page\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b146f01 e-con e-atomic-element e-flexbox-base e-default-div e-57d0aae \" data-id=\"b146f01\" data-element_type=\"e-flexbox\" data-e-type=\"e-flexbox\" data-interaction-id=\"b146f01\">\n    \t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5defb30 elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"5defb30\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<!-- WEB_CONTENT_START -->\n<!--\n===================================================================\nLEAD EARLY LEARNING CENTRES | 77 TANTRUMS AND BIG FEELINGS | BODY ONLY\nDesign: \"Bright Blocks\" (client approved). Built to plan PAGE 077 \/ R10 (Guide, Child Development, Tier 3)\nof the Lead ELC Topical Authority Map.\nScope: every selector is prefixed with #lelc-tant. No html\/body\/* rules.\nIncludes the theme-proof protection layer (theme\/Elementor typography,\nborders and spacing cannot leak in). Paste this whole file into ONE\nElementor HTML widget (full-width container, 0 padding). Header +\nfooter come from Headerfooter.html templates.\nImages point to \/wp-content\/uploads\/<file>: upload the images\/upload\nfolder first, with month\/year folders switched off (Settings > Media).\n-------------------------------------------------------------------\nSEO PLUGIN FIELDS (paste into Rank Math \/ Yoast, not into the widget)\nMeta Title  (56): Tantrums & Big Feelings | Why They Happen and What Helps\nMeta Desc  (134): Why toddler tantrums are normal, what the brain science says, what makes them worse, what helps in the moment and when to seek advice.\nCanonical: https:\/\/leadearlylearningcentres.com.au\/parent-resources\/child-development\/tantrums-and-big-feelings\/\nSlug: \/parent-resources\/child-development\/tantrums-and-big-feelings\/  |  Primary: toddler tantrums\nBreadcrumb: Home > Parent Resources and Guides > Child Development from Birth to Five > Tantrums and Big Feelings\n-------------------------------------------------------------------\nNOTES\n- General, widely published guidance: tantrums common from about one to four, often peaking around two to three; the prefrontal cortex (self-control) develops slowly through childhood; co-regulation, prevention and calm limits help. Centre practice described generally (calm support, naming feelings, no punishment or shaming); the national regulations prohibit corporal punishment and unreasonable discipline in education and care services (regulation 166). CLIENT TO CONFIRM behaviour guidance policy wording if they want it quoted. 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aria-current=\"page\">Tantrums and Big Feelings<\/span><\/li>\n    <\/ol>\n  <\/div>\n<\/nav>\n\n<!-- ============ HERO ============ -->\n<section class=\"phero\">\n  <div class=\"wrap\">\n    <div>\n      <span class=\"vac\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span>Development guide<\/span>\n      <h1>Tantrums and Big <span class=\"box\">Feelings<\/span><\/h1>\n      <p class=\"hero-p\">Toddler tantrums are a normal part of development, not a sign of bad parenting or a naughty child. They happen when feelings become bigger than a young child's ability to manage them. This guide explains why tantrums happen, what makes them worse, what actually helps in the moment, and when it is worth seeking advice.<\/p>\n      <div class=\"pfacts\">\n        <div><b>1 to 4<\/b><span>Common tantrum years<\/span><\/div>\n        <div><b>Calm<\/b><span>Adults help most<\/span><\/div>\n        <div><b>Normal<\/b><span>Part of growing up<\/span><\/div>\n      <\/div>\n      <div class=\"btnrow\">\n        <a class=\"btn-y\" href=\"#lelc-tant-help\">What Helps<\/a>\n        <a class=\"btn-w\" href=\"\/elc\/parent-resources\/child-development\/\">All Development Guides<\/a>\n      <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n    <figure class=\"pfig\">\n      <div class=\"ph\">\n        <img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/stagingloom.com\/elc\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/lead-elc-toddlers-play-table.webp\" alt=\"Toddlers playing at a low table, the age when toddler tantrums are most common\" width=\"640\" height=\"427\" fetchpriority=\"high\">\n      <\/div>\n      <div class=\"stick\">Big feelings, small bodies<\/div>\n    <\/figure>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<section class=\"sec\" style=\"padding-bottom:0;\">\n  <div class=\"wrap\">\n    <p class=\"lead-p\" style=\"max-width:880px;\">Almost every parent of a toddler has stood in a supermarket aisle while their child lies on the floor screaming about the wrong coloured cup. It is exhausting and sometimes embarrassing, and it is also completely normal. Understanding what is going on makes it easier to respond calmly. More guides are in our <a href=\"\/elc\/parent-resources\/child-development\/\">guides to early development<\/a>.<\/p>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<!-- ============ H2 1 ============ -->\n<section class=\"sec\">\n  <div class=\"wrap split\">\n    <div>\n      <span class=\"kick\">It is not you<\/span>\n      <h2>Why tantrums are developmentally normal<\/h2>\n      <p class=\"lead-p\">Tantrums are developmentally normal because toddlers feel strong emotions and want independence long before they have the language and self-control to manage those feelings. They are most common between about one and four, often peaking around two to three, and gradually ease as children learn words and strategies.<\/p>\n      <p>Toddlers want to do things themselves but often cannot, which is deeply frustrating.<\/p>\n      <p>They cannot yet explain what they want or feel, so frustration comes out as crying or flailing.<\/p>\n      <p>They live in the moment. Waiting and accepting \"no\" are skills still under construction.<\/p>\n      <p>Toddler tantrums can look alarming, with kicking, screaming or even breath-holding, but they pass, and your steady presence is what matters.<\/p>\n      <p>Tantrums are not manipulation. Most young children are genuinely overwhelmed, not calculating.<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n    <div class=\"stack\">\n      <div class=\"side card\">\n        <p class=\"side-h\">Common triggers<\/p>\n        <ul class=\"ticks\">\n          <li>Tiredness and hunger<\/li>\n          <li>Being told no<\/li>\n          <li>Transitions between activities<\/li>\n          <li>Not being understood<\/li>\n          <li>Wanting to do it themselves<\/li>\n        <\/ul>\n      <\/div>\n      <div class=\"fill art a-y\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/stagingloom.com\/elc\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/lead-elc-art-swirl.webp\" alt=\"A swirl of colour drawn by a child\" width=\"400\" height=\"552\" loading=\"lazy\"><span class=\"tag\">Feelings in motion<\/span><\/div>\n    <\/div>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<!-- ============ H2 2 ============ -->\n<section class=\"sec why\">\n  <div class=\"wrap\">\n    <span class=\"kick\">Inside the brain<\/span>\n    <h2>The brain science, briefly<\/h2>\n    <p class=\"lead-p\" style=\"max-width:880px;\">In simple terms, the parts of the brain that generate strong emotions work well from early on, while the part that helps us pause, plan and calm down, the prefrontal cortex, develops slowly right through childhood and beyond. In a tantrum, the emotional brain takes over and the thinking brain is temporarily offline.<\/p>\n    <div style=\"max-width:880px;\">\n      <p>That is why reasoning with a child mid-tantrum rarely works. They cannot access logic until they are calmer.<\/p>\n      <p>Calm adults lend children their own regulation. A soothing voice and presence help a child's body settle.<\/p>\n      <p>Each time a child is helped through a big feeling, the pathways for self-calming grow a little stronger.<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<!-- ============ H2 3 ============ -->\n<section class=\"sec\">\n  <div class=\"wrap\">\n    <span class=\"kick\">Avoid these<\/span>\n    <h2>What makes tantrums worse<\/h2>\n    <p class=\"lead-p\" style=\"max-width:880px;\">Tantrums tend to get worse when adults shout, punish, argue, give in after saying no, or pile on reasoning while the child is overwhelmed. Tiredness, hunger, rushed transitions and unpredictable routines also make them more frequent. Giving in teaches that a tantrum works; harshness adds fear to an already overwhelmed child.<\/p>\n    <div style=\"max-width:880px;\">\n      <p>Inconsistency confuses children. If \"no\" sometimes becomes \"yes\" after enough crying, crying becomes the strategy.<\/p>\n      <p>Long explanations in the moment add to overload. Save the talking for later.<\/p>\n      <p>Shaming, such as \"big girls don't cry\", teaches children to hide feelings rather than manage them.<\/p>\n      <p>Physical punishment is harmful and is prohibited in education and care services under the national regulations.<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<!-- ============ H2 4 ============ -->\n<section class=\"sec prog\" id=\"lelc-tant-help\">\n  <div class=\"wrap\">\n    <span class=\"kick\">In the moment<\/span>\n    <h2>What actually helps in the moment<\/h2>\n    <p class=\"lead-p\" style=\"max-width:880px;\">In the moment, what helps most is staying calm, keeping your child safe, naming the feeling in a few words, and waiting it out nearby while holding the limit you set. Once the storm passes, offer comfort and reconnect. Talking about what happened works far better when your child is calm again.<\/p>\n    <div class=\"step4\">\n      <div><span class=\"n\">1<\/span><b>Stay calm<\/b><span class=\"t\">Take a breath. Your calm is contagious.<\/span><\/div>\n      <div><span class=\"n\">2<\/span><b>Keep safe<\/b><span class=\"t\">Move away from hazards; gently stop hitting or throwing.<\/span><\/div>\n      <div><span class=\"n\">3<\/span><b>Name it briefly<\/b><span class=\"t\">\"You're really cross. I'm here.\"<\/span><\/div>\n      <div><span class=\"n\">4<\/span><b>Reconnect<\/b><span class=\"t\">A hug once it passes, then carry on.<\/span><\/div>\n    <\/div>\n    <div style=\"max-width:880px;\">\n      <p>Hold the limit kindly. \"I know you want the lolly. The answer is still no. I'll stay with you.\"<\/p>\n      <p>Some children want a hug; others need space with you close by. Follow your child's cues.<\/p>\n      <p>Afterwards, keep it light. There is no need for a long lecture; a simple \"that was hard, you calmed down\" helps.<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<!-- ============ H2 5 ============ -->\n<section class=\"sec\">\n  <div class=\"wrap split\">\n    <div>\n      <span class=\"kick\">Prevention<\/span>\n      <h2>Preventing the preventable ones<\/h2>\n      <p class=\"lead-p\">Many tantrums can be prevented by keeping routines predictable, heading off hunger and tiredness, warning before transitions, offering simple choices and giving children chances to do things themselves. You will not prevent them all, but you can reduce how often they happen and how big they get.<\/p>\n      <p>Give a five-minute warning before leaving the park, and a one-minute warning too.<\/p>\n      <p>Offer two acceptable choices: \"Do you want to walk or hop to the car?\"<\/p>\n      <p>Pack snacks and plan outings around naps.<\/p>\n      <p>Notice good moments. Praise for calm cooperation encourages more of it.<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n    <div class=\"stack\">\n      <div class=\"side card\">\n        <p class=\"side-h\">Prevention toolkit<\/p>\n        <ul class=\"ticks\">\n          <li>Predictable routines<\/li>\n          <li>Snacks and rest on time<\/li>\n          <li>Warnings before changes<\/li>\n          <li>Simple choices<\/li>\n          <li>Time to try it themselves<\/li>\n        <\/ul>\n      <\/div>\n      <div class=\"fill art a-g\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/stagingloom.com\/elc\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/lead-elc-art-flower.webp\" alt=\"A painted flower\" width=\"500\" height=\"509\" loading=\"lazy\"><span class=\"tag\">Calm starts early<\/span><\/div>\n    <\/div>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<!-- ============ H2 6 ============ -->\n<section class=\"sec why\">\n  <div class=\"wrap\">\n    <span class=\"kick\">In our rooms<\/span>\n    <h2>How we handle big feelings at the centre<\/h2>\n    <p class=\"lead-p\" style=\"max-width:880px;\">At our centre, educators respond to big feelings calmly and kindly. They keep children safe, name the feeling, stay close, and help the child return to play once they are ready. Children are never shamed or punished for their emotions, and we share with families how their child's day went, including harder moments.<\/p>\n    <div style=\"max-width:880px;\">\n      <p>Predictable routines and warnings before transitions prevent many meltdowns in the room.<\/p>\n      <p>Quiet spaces give children somewhere calm to settle when the room feels too busy.<\/p>\n      <p>We talk with families about what works at home, so strategies stay consistent.<\/p>\n      <p>Read about our approach to <a href=\"\/elc\/parent-resources\/child-development\/social-emotional-development\/\">social and emotional development<\/a>.<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<!-- ============ H2 7 ============ -->\n<section class=\"sec\">\n  <div class=\"wrap\">\n    <span class=\"kick\">Getting advice<\/span>\n    <h2>When frequency or intensity warrants advice<\/h2>\n    <p class=\"lead-p\" style=\"max-width:880px;\">Seek advice if tantrums are very frequent, last a long time, involve regular hurting of self or others, continue at high intensity well past age four or five, or come with concerns about speech, sleep or development. A GP, child health nurse or paediatrician can help work out what is going on.<\/p>\n    <div style=\"max-width:880px;\">\n      <p>Speech difficulties can increase frustration. If your child struggles to be understood, a speech assessment may help. See our <a href=\"\/elc\/parent-resources\/child-development\/speech-and-language\/\">speech and language guide<\/a>.<\/p>\n      <p>Parenting programs can offer practical, evidence-based strategies and support. The national <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au\/temper-tantrums\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Pregnancy, Birth and Baby<\/a> service also has guidance on toddler tantrums, and a helpline staffed by maternal child health nurses.<\/p>\n      <p>Look after yourself too. Coping with frequent tantrums is draining, and asking for help is a strength.<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<!-- ============ FAQ ============ -->\n<section class=\"sec why\">\n  <div class=\"wrap\">\n    <div style=\"text-align:center;max-width:780px;margin:0 auto;\">\n      <span class=\"kick\">Common questions<\/span>\n      <p class=\"fqh\">Tantrums, answered<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n    <div class=\"faqwrap\">\n      <details class=\"fq\">\n        <summary>Are tantrums bad behaviour?<span class=\"pm\">+<\/span><\/summary>\n        <div class=\"ans\"><p>No, tantrums are not bad behaviour in young children; they are a sign of feelings that are too big to manage yet. Toddlers lack the language and self-control to handle strong emotions. Calm, consistent support helps them learn, while punishment tends to add fear without teaching the skill.<\/p><\/div>\n      <\/details>\n      <details class=\"fq\">\n        <summary>Should I ignore them?<span class=\"pm\">+<\/span><\/summary>\n        <div class=\"ans\"><p>It helps to ignore the demands but not the child. Stay close and calm, keep them safe and hold your limit, without giving in or arguing. Once the tantrum passes, reconnect warmly. Walking away completely can leave a young child feeling abandoned when they most need help.<\/p><\/div>\n      <\/details>\n      <details class=\"fq\">\n        <summary>When do they stop?<span class=\"pm\">+<\/span><\/summary>\n        <div class=\"ans\"><p>Tantrums usually become less frequent and less intense between about three and five, as language, self-control and coping strategies develop. Most children still have the occasional meltdown when tired or overwhelmed, even at school age. Steady improvement over time is the sign things are on track.<\/p><\/div>\n      <\/details>\n    <\/div>\n    <p style=\"max-width:780px;margin:22px auto 0;text-align:center;\">Learn about <a href=\"\/elc\/\">our early learning centre in St Ives<\/a>.<\/p>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<!-- ============ CTA BAND ============ -->\n<section class=\"band\">\n  <div class=\"wrap\">\n    <div>\n      <p class=\"bandh\">Calm, caring educators<\/p>\n      <p>Visit and see how we support children through big feelings.<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n    <a class=\"btn-y\" href=\"\/elc\/enrolment\/book-a-tour\/\">Book a Tour<\/a>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\">\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@graph\": [\n    {\n      \"@type\": \"WebPage\",\n      \"@id\": \"https:\/\/leadearlylearningcentres.com.au\/parent-resources\/child-development\/tantrums-and-big-feelings\/#webpage\",\n      \"url\": 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